Showing posts with label self-care. Show all posts
Showing posts with label self-care. Show all posts

Monday, June 16, 2014

019. Street Harassment

Street Harassment
By: Ashley Solis

Walking with my nieces and dog.
Street Harassment. It's a real thing. It happens to me. Every. Single. Day.

Stop Street Harassment defines street harassment as:

"Unwelcome words and actions by unknown persons in public places which are motivated by gender and invade a person’s physical and emotional space in a disrespectful, creepy, startling, scary, or insulting way."

Yup, every single day. Helen, Marina, and I go on a 30 minute walk every day during our break. We walk about one and a half miles, and it has been a great way to get away from the computer screen, get some sunshine, and practice self care. 

Lately, I feel more anxious on our walks. Each time we go on a walk a range of things happens...a honk from a guy as he drives by, a guy yells something at us from a vehicle (sometimes derogatory, sometimes not), men make kissing noises at us as we pass them on the sidewalk, men tell us to smile or comment on our appearances. Now, I do not mind if I am walking and someone says a polite hello or a smile. I will respond. I do not respond when someone yells at me or honks at me or tells me to "smile!"

According to Tiffanie Heben, she defines three categories of street harassment. 

      1. Severe: a) sexually explicit reference to a woman’s body or to sexual activities, b) profanities that are directed at a woman because of her gender, c) any comment that fits into these categories combined with racial or ethnic slurs, d) any comment that fits any of these three categories combined with references to a woman’s possible homosexuality, e) physical acts such as following a woman, throwing things at her, or pinching or poking her.

     2. Moderately severe: a) sexual innuendos, b) references to a woman’s gender or body that are not sexually explicit.

     3. Least severe: a) staring, b) whistling, c) all other comments men make to women that are unnecessary or are not political in nature.

There was a instance a few months ago when Helen and I were walking through downtown Pomona (and don't blame this on Pomona, it happens to me everywhere). There were two men standing outside of a restaurant. One man asked us if we had a cigarette. We responded politely and informed him that we do not smoke and kept on with our walk, never breaking stride. I thought that would be the end of it, but no. He then caught up to us and told us to wait and wanted to talk to us. 

Everything about our body language felt as if it was pretty clear that we weren't interested in a conversation. He asked what our names were , and we responded that we were on our break and needed to get back to work. He then reached towards me with his hand attempting to shake it. I pulled away and said no thank you. He is a stranger. A man that I do not know. I did not want to shake his hand nor do I have to.

That's when he lost it. As we continued to walk away, he yelled bitch at us and said that I was racist. My adrenaline started pumping, and I felt so scared. I didn't know what he would do. I kept looking over my shoulder to make sure he wasn't following us. Helen reminded me to just breathe, and we kept walking. It wasn't until we were back at the office that I felt safe.

I am allowed to set physical and emotional boundaries. I should be able to do so without being called a bitch or a racist. Unfortunately, we live within a patriarchal society in which there are men (not all men) that feel entitled to comment on women's bodies, honk at them, yell at them, call them names, etc. while they are in a public space. It's out of control and needs to stop. I know that these incidents are based on my gender because if I am on a walk with my partner or another male, I have NEVER been harassed. Never. It is startling when you are in a public space and someone screams at you as they drive by. Also, it's freaking annoying! Just let me walk in peace.

I know some think that when a man honks or whistles at you, that it is meant to be a compliment. It is not a compliment. To argue this point, author Jessica Valenti says it perfectly:

     “While I’ve heard the argument that street harassment is actually a compliment – you know, because we’re supposed to be flattered that strange men are screaming at us about our asses – it’s really a super-insidious form of sexism. Because not only do perfect strangers think that it’s appropriate to be sexual toward any woman they want, but street harassment is also predicated on the idea that you’re allowed to say anything to women that you want – anytime, anywhere.”

Street harassment is a real thing and you can take action against it. Here is a list of amazing organizations taking action to stop street harassment.  One well known group is Hollaback!  This organization states,

     "The real motive of street harassment is intimidation. To make its target scared or uncomfortable, and to make the harasser feel powerful. But what if there was a simple way to take that power away by exposing it? You can now use your smartphone to do just that by documenting, mapping, and sharing incidents of street harassment. Join an entire community ready to Hollaback!"

I will continue to walk, while hoping that I can do so in peace. 

What are some ways that you can (or do) challenge street harassment?



Wednesday, May 22, 2013

017. Self Care and Compassion


 You must connect with yourself.

Do you ever feel that you get swept up by your whirlwind life? It may feel overwhelming to accomplish the daily tasks of paying bills, attending school, meeting deadlines, spending time with your partner, friends and/or kids, completing chores and going to work. It isn't a surprise that many fail to take time for themselves. Also, it shouldn't be a surprise that there are times that we feel like to just want to get away or feel agitated by those same daily tasks. Our mom always says, "If it's everyone else, it's probably you." Meaning, if others in your life or things that you do daily, suddenly start to annoy you, then it's time to take time for yourself.

"If you aren't good at loving yourself, you will have a difficult time loving anyone, since you'll resent the time and energy you give another person that you aren't even giving to yourself." ~Barbara De Angelis 

We would like to introduce self-care. Taking time for yourself is essential in life. Self-care can be anything that you do for you. It can range from taking a bubble bath, listening to music or exercising. Our jobs can cause us to feel overwhelmed. For instance, if you work at a job dealing with others' trauma it can feel like too much at times. Ashley Solis says:

Self-care. Prior to working at the Domestic Violence Shelter, I had never heard this term. I mean, I understood what it meant to take time for myself and to do things that I enjoyed. What I didn't understand was how draining it could be to work directly with clients who have experienced trauma and now need a lot of guidance and compassion.

Self compassion must happen first in order to be compassionate with others.

I was working with a client who was having a hard time practicing self-care. My boss suggested that the client schedule 3 self-care activities each day. I then asked if that's a general suggestion for all individuals. I responded, "Well, I guess I should make that my new goal."

Self-care is essential to living a happy and stable life. It is important to fulfill your personal need for relaxation and self love. It is necessary to perform activities for yourself and sometimes by yourself. While many of us are blessed with loving people in our lives, it is important we take care of ourselves first and foremost.

In true Change Weekly style, we want to propose some of our favorite self-care tips.

Get to steppin’ 

Walk alone, walk with a friend, walk your dogs, walk your neighbor’s dogs . . . whatever it takes to get you to open your front door and go explore the neighborhood. Breathe in some of that cool fresh air and chances are you’ll end up rediscovering the streets you’ve lived on for years. "The British Journal of Sports Medicine found that walking 30 minutes a day boosted the moods in depressed patients faster than antidepressants. Why? Walking releases natural pain­killing end­or­phins to the body – one of the emotional benefits of exercise." Take 30 minutes to take a nice walk starting today and discover the small, beautiful details of the streets you drive on daily.

Suds Up

There are few things in this world that feel more satisfying than a warm, bubble bath. Don't be afraid to go all the way and spoil yourself . . . candlelight ambiance, fresh crushed sage in the water, relaxing music, a glass of wine and maybe even a loofah. Whatever it looks like to you, make it happen and pamper yourself. If you're sore from your workout, add in some Epson Salt and it'll help alleviate your sore muscles. You're welcome.

Talk it Up and Get it Out 

The two of us that contribute to this blog and we do a lot of talking. If something rocky is happening in our relationship or we just need to vent, we know we can talk it out to each other. The telephone conversations always start with "I need to vent . . ." because one of us is overwhelmed. By the end of our discussion (which is usually one person going on and on about their feelings), both of us feel more grounded and level-headed than before we got on the phone.

Yoga and Meditation

Either of these practices are a great way to center yourself. Yoga is a great form of exercise and a helps to be present in the moment. Meditation helps us clear our minds and stay calm. Our favorite, local studio is Green Tara.

These are only a few of the ways to decompress and take care of yourself. What are your favorites? We challenge you to start by performing at least one activity a day, and hopefully over time you will be able to perform at least three, or more!